Love Like an Accelerando
by ColaCrescendo
Summary: "Perhaps the cello that lives inside him was destined to stay there always. At least, that's what Lovino hoped." A story in which cellist Lovino Vargas falls for the confident Spanish bassist he so unfortunately has to share an orchestra class with.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Well here it is, my first Hetalia fanfiction. I've spent two years avoiding this, but here we are. I'm not going to make this note long due to the crazy one below, but I'd like to say that I am mentioning some pretty important things regarding this fanfiction in the note below. That is all!**

* * *

The effects I have on others are often cruel at times. I do feel bad, of course. I never wanted to become what I am. I rule the lives of those living in fear. I cause many to cower on account of me, and to lose sight of their dreams. Even the most simple of human functions, like speaking to others, fall into the abyss due to my touch.

Perhaps an introduction would be necessary.

I live inside the humans. Not everyone falls into my darkness, but those who do find it hard to get out. Of course, there are ways, but I never really leave. Not completely. I will always be there at the back of your mind, muttering orders to the fear, telling it to strike.

Those who find their ways around me have always been quite curious to me. They think they are weak, but they are actually quite strong. I like to watch them. Their stories are fascinating at times, such as this particular one: Lovino Vargas.

It always started with the silence. Silence as still as wood, and hollow. Such a maddening thing to the Italian, this was. Maybe he had always hated this silence. Possibly even because silence meant no sound, and sound was what he loved most. Or perhaps, music was what he loved most, to be exact.

I took music away from him too. The strings that he loved so dearly now echoed the sounds of fear when touched. He could only watch as others created beauty from the strings, while he was unable to coexist with the music without sacrifice. This was when he was consumed. Jealousy and anger took him. He was angry at me. I took the one thing that saved him, and he refused to leave it.

He was alone. One last thing that I took from him was his speech. He could speak, of course, but not to whom he wished. He wanted to be able to talk to others just as they do, but I stopped him at even that. He complied, possibly because of his already broken will. But even in his acceptance, he was still angry. He decided that he didn't need anyone else, and his tongue became sharp. The words he spoke to others became piercing and rough. They were so sharp that they could carve something. Something wooden and hollow, to be exact.

I realize that combined, these things take the shape of the very thing I took from him. The wood, the strings, and the carved shape that defines it. Perhaps the cello that lives inside him was destined to stay there always. At least, that's what Lovino hoped.

* * *

"That was beautiful, Lovi! I think it was one of our best concerts yet!" Lovino's younger brother smiled so wide he believed his face would fall apart, the exact opposite of Lovino himself at the time.

"It was okay," he loosened his bow and put it inside the flap in his case. He wasn't thinking about how well they did, he was only thinking of how he survived yet another concert. His hands still contained traces of the shaking, and his head still felt like it outweighed his entire body.

"Looks like Fred put on another amazing performance," Feliciano gestured towards Lovino's cello.

"The cello's name is not Fred, Feli."

"Why not? Fred is such a cute name!" his brother giggled and reached out to touch the cello, but was quickly stopped by Lovino's hand.

"Don't touch my cello." Lovino's words were bitter, and lacked the amusement his brother was so graciously gifted with. Even if Feliciano was his brother, and played the violin, he could never trust when people touched his cello. This was especially after that one time he asked his cousin to look after it and came back to find it on the floor with a long, depressing crack running down it's side. "Who names their instruments, anyway?"

Feliciano regained his smile he lost a few seconds before, obviously used to his brother's usual tone, not at all bothered by the amount it contradicted his own way of speech. "Gilbert named his cello Mister Amazing."

"Gilbert doesn't count, and seriously, who the fuck names anything a name like Mister Amazing? Jesus it's like he's trying to get kicked in the balls" He cringed inwardly, hurriedly closing the case to his cello and gathering his music. "See you at home, Feli." He slung the case strap around his shoulder and tried to hurry away. Tried, is an important word to note.

"Wait! Aren't you coming to Olive Garden with everyone?" Feliciano called out, making Lovino stop in his tracks and turn around. He held back a gag, but to get his point across, maybe he should have gagged visibly, right in front of his brother.

"Are you fucking kidding me? I would rather die than go to a place as sickening as that! What the hell is wrong with you?" Lovino's face was that of true horror. Native Italians such as the Vargas family, to be exact, truly couldn't find a place more vile in comparison to their home cooked pasta. Correction: Feliciano's home cooked pasta.

"I know, I know. I'm only going so I can be with everyone else! Plus, Gilbert is bringing some of his friends that are joining next semester, don't you want to meet them?" Feliciano pleaded.

Lovino glared at his brother for a while, wondering seriously how they could possibly be related. Of course they both looked very similar, and had some similar interests, but the last thing Lovino would ever want to do is to have to socialize with all of those orchestra lunatics. He would much rather just play his cello and leave it at that, thank you very much.

Oh no. Feli had _that_ look on his face. The one Lovino knew all too well. _I have an idea, Lovi! Let's compromise!_

"If you go, I'll let you have the practice room all to yourself for a week," Feliciano promised.

He must have really wanted Lovino to go. The practice room was the nicest room in their shared dorm, which was really more like an apartment. The front wall was littered with glass windows, and the room itself was completely empty aside from a chair, a stand, and Lovino, usually. The acoustics were absolutely gorgeous, of course. The sound it brought from his cello when he was alone was the light, the very reason he was here. Both being musicians, the siblings had fought over that room for ages. Ever since Lovino started playing, he could never practice in front of others, so there could only be one at a time.

"Alright fine. But I'm just going for a little while, and you're paying." He glanced at the cello rack. He didn't have to take his cello home yet, so he balanced it on the empty rack.

Feliciano's smile grew even wider. That grin was truly beginning to terrify Lovino, but at the same time he was glad that there was something pure in the world. His brother showed him that, as annoying as he could be. "I'm so excited for you to meet the new players, they're so nice! Well, one of them has a really dirty mind and a bit of an annoying accent but people probably think that about us too. Well, not the dirty part of course-"

Lovino tuned his brother out immediately. He had absolutely no interest in anyone in that orchestra but himself. The only reason he had been taking the class was because he was absolutely crap at everything except for the cello. When he first started playing, he liked it enough to practice all the time. Two years later he was surprised to find that he was actually pretty decent, so his brother convinced him to join. At first, he hated it with a passion, but when the semester was almost over and the orchestra sounded nice, he realized the joy he felt while playing with so many other players was incredible. It was like he was a fraction of a whole that had always been meant to be put together. However, he also realized that the anxiety he felt when he played on stage nearly broke him every time. He truly wondered if it was worth it.

"Is it okay if Luddy drives us there?" Feliciano broke through his thoughts with possibly the worst question he could have asked.

Lovino groaned loudly. "It's not like we even have a choice, do we?"

The smaller Italian laughed nervously. "Not really, no."

"Whatever, then. Let's just get this over with." He followed Feliciano to the German's car. His brother and Ludwig Beilschmidt had been good friends for a while, and quite frankly, Lovino couldn't trust the bastard a bit. First of all, he was huge, and could probably crush both Italians together in one flex. Second of all, he was Gilbert's little brother, Gilbert being one of the most annoying people he had ever met. Finally, the way he looked at Feliciano pissed him off to no end. Lovino knew love when he saw it, and that guy had it written all over his face. He couldn't stand couples, mainly because he knew he would probably never be in a relationship himself.

"I brought Lovino with us!" Feli skipped to the car and poked his head through one of the windows. Ludwig nodded, and Lovino noted his lack of a reply. He had stopped trying to speak to Lovino a long time ago, so at this point he didn't even bother. Lovino almost felt bad, since he knew it was because he had only bad things to say to him, but decided against it.

Feliciano automatically opened the door to the front passenger's seat, so Lovino assumed he would be in the back. At least that meant he didn't have to join in the conversation. They were talking about the concert, of course, so it was all shit he knew already anyway. The viola's were too quiet, the cello's were too loud, the second violin's were out of tune, and the first violin's were probably pitching a fit about something in between songs. It wasn't even a surprise that the conversation lasted until they got to Olive Garden.

When Lovino stepped out of the car, he seriously hoped at least one of the two people he could stand in the orchestra were there. Otherwise he'd be stuck having to talk to one of the newbies, or Gilbert. He shuddered.

Walking a safe distance behind Feliciano, he peered around the corner as they reached the large table they had to use for the amount of people sitting together. He didn't see anyone he even liked. Just great.

Reluctantly, he took a seat next to Gilbert. At least he knew how to deal with him. Although, the smug noise he made when Lovino entered the area probably wouldn't help matters.

"Wow, you've finally come out to be with the rest of civilization," the German said loudly, although Lovino figured he didn't even realize he was so loud. He was so self-absorbed that he didn't care, most likely. Lovino rolled his eyes visibly. This would be harder than he initially thought.

He never enjoyed being around people. People were unpredictable in every sense of the word. When you thought they could be nice, they were bitter inside. When you thought they could be bitter, they were actually nice inside. Lovino knew himself to be bitter inside and out, leading to even more inevitable self-loathing. For a sophomore, he had a lot of problems. Social anxiety was nearly at the top of the list.

He had never been good with words, so in situations like these he had no problems simply ignoring everything around him. Gilbert, for example, would not get the pleasure of a response to his idiocy. Of course, that wouldn't stop him from spewing more crap out of his mouth. At least this time it was directed towards the two sitting in front of him rather than himself.

He turned his attention to Gilbert's friends. He didn't listen much when Feliciano described them, but from what he could tell they were probably the ones that were joining next semester. One had long, creepy blonde hair and spoke in an annoying accent that nearly rivaled Gilbert's. He also seemed to be full of himself. It made sense that they would stick together, at least.

The other, however, seemed a little off. He was generally very attractive, but he seemed like an actual nice guy, which threw Lovino off completely. He tried to stay away from attractive people because they usually didn't help any of his problems, just made them worse. But this guy, his smile was absolutely huge, much like Feliciano's earlier that night, which was strange because Feliciano was the happiest person he had ever met. His face displayed a softness Lovino didn't see in many people. The fact that he hung out with Gilbert and his other creepy friend was a little strange.

He must be a jerk.

Wait, was this jerk looking at him?

Lovino's initial thought was that he must be a creep, of course. However, when he accidentally glanced into his eyes he found himself frozen in the grassy greens that reminded him so much of his birth home. So he's a creep with nice eyes.

Lovino found himself strangely drawn to the guy with green eyes, but as life would have it, he couldn't get one word in during the entirety of their dinner. Not that he wanted to, of course. He wanted to stay as far away from this jerk as possible. Hopefully he was a violinist and he sucked so he wouldn't be anywhere near the cello section.

* * *

Lovino stared up at the sky on his commute back to his dorm. He cursed himself for forgetting his bike, but he knew that it would have been far too big of a struggle to carry a cello and ride a bike at the same time. He'd seen it in movies, and it pissed him off. It was much harder than it looked.

He stopped for a moment as a slow melody graced his ears through his headphones. It was a piano, and it was simple. A cello was added lovingly, keeping the idea of the simple, slow melody. It was beautiful in all it's natural sound, barely any vibrato, but wholesome. As soon as he heard it, he breathed out a long breath he didn't even realize he was holding. It was like in every exhale he was getting rid of negativity, like he was releasing something awful all at once. This was probably quite good for him, he imagined.

Lovino closed his eyes. He didn't even care that he was standing in a boarding school campus in the middle of the night, all he cared about was the fact that he could _feel._ He was at the edge of something great, like an inventor nearly finished with his best invention yet. It was the anxiety. He didn't grasp it, at that moment, but I was gone, simply watching from afar. The music, as he thought before, truly saved him. Lovino simply had to realize that the difference between appreciating it and creating it was only what he believed he could do, and Lovino could do anything.

I do realize that I seem like a monster, but I assure you, I am not. I am simply an obstacle, able to be overcome.

When Lovino opened his eyes, he saw the stars. He saw everything he could do, if only he would just stop being so scared. He closed them once more, and he saw the vivid, grassy green eyes he hadn't been able to get out of his mind all night. He saw something new, something beautiful. He saw-

The song ended. Reality came crashing in like a tidal wave.

Lovino saw what he thought he could never have.

* * *

 **A/N: Okay, so there are a few important things to note here in this universe. As interesting as it would be to write a fic where one of the obstacles Antonio and Lovino have to overcome is homophobia and the hurdle of not knowing whether or not either is gay, I have decided not to. It would be too impossible considering the other obstacles I already have planned, and it would be highly unlikely to find an orchestra full of gay people all from different countries. So, in this universe, it is completely normal to find a gay couple, and there is no right or wrong when it comes to sexuality. As for the countries, I will mention this later in the fic but everyone goes to a completely made up International Boarding school set in Charleston, SC (A really beautiful place you should look up). And let's just say this is a rather nice school, why not.**

 **Another important thing to note is that I realize that not everyone will get my orchestra references, and it would be a bit annoying to try to explain all of them in the fanfiction. If you don't understand any, I have a page on my tumblr that explains some of the culture, called Love Like an Accelerando Orchestra References. (Here is the link, remove the spaces: colacrescendo .tumblr geekforyoursoul )**

 **The narrator is anxiety, much like Death in The Book Thief. In the beginning, Anxiety seems monstrous because the narration is supposed to take place during Lovino's concert. It isn't until the end of the chapter that Lovino realizes, just for a moment, that he can actually get over his anxiety. Aka, the anxiety is only what Lovino thinks it can be. I wasn't sure how to exactly get that across due to my inexperience.**

 **Also, every song I mention I will provide the name of, just in case you want to experience what the characters are experiencing. Lovino's star song is called** **Þú** **ert** **jörðin** **and it's adorable. Thank you for dealing with this awfully long Author's Note, lovely readers!**

 **Disclaimer: Hetalia is not mine, neither is the cover photo.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Once again, I apologize for the mess of an Author's Note I left you with in the last chapter, but now that we have the most important things out of the way, there won't be any more craziness like that. Hopefully.**

 **But thank you so much to my reviewers! Even you, guest reviewer, you're too sweet!**

Silence, then noise. That always seemed to be what made Lovino the most uneasy. It was such a dramatic change that he found himself shocked, almost like the change from winter break to the new semester. The silence began again with the flip of a switch.

Mental note: Lovino needed a new alarm clock.

Just like that, the holidays were over. When Lovino opened his eyes, he knew that from that point on he wouldn't stop moving until the summer. He didn't bother looking nice for the occasion, and simply pulled a shirt over his head, accompanied by the last clean pair of pants he owned. In lieu of attempting to make himself breakfast and having a nice morning, he fell back down on his bed dramatically and groaned. The only thing he would be looking forward to at any amount was his orchestra class. Even then, he knew it would be stressful.

Not leaving any earlier than he had to, he grabbed a jacket and his backpack and arrived just a few minutes before the first bell rang. Step one was to survive his classes for the first half of the day, in which he accomplished successfully, somehow.

Lunch was fairly uneventful. He sat with his usual group, which consisted of mainly girls. Teenage boys were too stupid for him to stand. This included the one other guy at their table, Feliks the Polish idiot. Although he acted much more feminine than any other guy he had met in his life, he was very easily the most annoying, next to Gilbert.

The last thing he wanted to hear from the chattering balls of hormones was how hot the new guys in orchestra were. This, of course, was exactly what he got to hear. It should be noted that he was hearing this rather than adding to it, not that he would add to it anyway. It seemed for him that he was always alone at lunch, even if he sat with others. Words were rarely spoken between him and the others.

The final bell before orchestra sounded, so he packed up the lunch that he didn't eat and followed behind the others that were walking in the same direction as himself. Rather quickly, one might add, as he wanted to get to the class as soon as humanly possible. Not knowing who would be so unfortunate to share a class with him that semester was maddening.

A small wave of nostalgia hit Lovino as he walked through the door, causing him to slow his previously overwhelming pace considerably. It had only been a few weeks since he had been in the room, but it was probably one of his favorite places on Earth. Something about the fact that a place in his strange American school could adhere to his interests was simply unheard of.

Lovino glanced at the cello he wanted, adjusting the shoulder strap on his bag nervously. He had spent far too long pining for that instrument, and now that one of the seniors decided not to take second semester, he knew that he should probably have full rights to the best cello in school. Not only was the sound gorgeous, but the strings felt nicer under his fingertips, and it even came along with the blessed coda bow. Elizabeta could maybe deserve it, sure, but she didn't have as much heart in it as Lovino, and there was no way in hell Gilbert would ever be deserving of such a glory.

He sighed and grabbed a chair from one of the racks in the corner, setting it down in what would be the beginning of a circle. Each new semester, he had to listen to the same introduction, and play the same stupid name game before he could grab his cello. Half of him just told him to get it anyway, but he remained in his seat and watched his new classmates for the semester slowly file in. The judging began.

He was more disappointed than anything. Most of the faces he saw weren't anything new, and a considerable amount even made him dread the coming semester. It was one face, however, that hit him a lot harder than it should have. This particular face happened to be the owner of the boy with green eyes; this face was the very one he had tried so very hard to forget that night of the concert, and even more so over winter break.

He wasn't falling for him, that was for sure. Right? Oh shit.

Lovino instead directed his thoughts to his orchestra teacher, who stood with a half-annoyed, blindingly fake smile, next to Kiku. The boy graciously took on the role of setting the projector up, so Lovino figured his teacher's fake smile was due to the stress of a new semester. Kiku stepped back as soon as a powerpoint made its way to the screen on the wall. Mrs. Mock made an announcement to those coming in to take a seat and join the circle, which so far only consisted of Lovino and those he sat with at lunch.

Half of Lovino wanted to sit next to his brother, who was fortunately in his class, but the sight of Feliciano giggling with his hand intertwined with Ludwig's shot that idea down far too quickly. They ended up getting together over break, finally, though Lovino couldn't tell if it was worse to deal with the two's obvious pining or the relationship itself.

Lovino's entire body locked up as a certain green eyed boy chose a seat right next to him, of all the places, and flashed him a sunny smile. Lovino knew his face had reddened a bit, and he tried his hardest to breathe like a normal person, scolding himself for getting so worked up over this guy. Before his mind could register anything else, a pretty girl he had seen from the other classes in the previous semesters sat on the other side of the boy.

"Oh, Antonio, I'm so glad you're finally here in orchestra with us! Aren't we lucky that we're in the same class too?" The girl chattered away in her cute, polite way of speaking. She was undeniably sweet, Lovino could tell already.

So the boy's name was Antonio.

Lovino felt the creeping throb of jealousy begin to flow through his veins. This girl was really close to the jerk. He briefly wondered why he cared, before turning his attention to the teacher, who had already begun her introduction. Not that he would have paid attention anyway, but his mind wandered during the entire powerpoint, performing a repeat of that one night. Why couldn't he ever get this boy out of his head?

"Alright, I'd like you all to say your names, the country you are from, and the instrument you play. We'll go around in a circle," the teacher began, making half the class groan, not including Lovino, who internalized his pain. The country was necessary due to the type of school he attended. It was an international school, in America of all places, and it offered some of the best education around, for anyone who was willing to ship their child all the way to America. She motioned towards Alfred, who only got in because he was really good at sports, and had lived in the area before. Everyone else had to either pay nearly a fortune to get in, or be absolutely brilliant at something.

"I'm Alfred, I'm from the land of the free, and I play the violin in my spare time," he said with a wink at the boy beside him, who stood up next.

"I'm Arthur, from England, and I play the violin,"

Lovino groaned internally. They were about halfway through the circle, and he just wanted to get this over with. He couldn't help but feel a bit nervous, though he knew he shouldn't. He knew these people, and he had already done this three times before, yet he felt his heart beat just a bit faster, and his body shake just a bit.

This is the perfect example of a scenario where I come in, but don't worry. Lovino is perfectly capable of fighting me, this time.

When the teacher motioned towards him, he stood up, shot out his answer, (which was simply straight to the point, of course) and sat back down with little memory of what happened, just the reassuring fact that he didn't mess up.

Now having the knowledge that he was safe, he was able to turn his attention to Antonio, who was apparently from Spain, and played the bass. _Great, that means he'll be right next to me._ Lovino quickly glanced at his brother in hopes of some comfort, but only felt more jealousy, since Feliciano already had his own friends and his own problems.

Jealousy seemed to be his favorite emotion today.

Lovino shook it off. He was going to try to have a good day today. He could be happy, he could. _Think of your cello, that makes you happy, Lovino._ Does it though? He looked down at his feet, trying to ignore the small jolts of fear he felt at the mere thought of the instrument. This semester was the competition semester.

As soon as they were told to group up in their corresponding section, Lovino chose to lead his section towards the cello rack, putting his hand on the cello he had his eye on protectively.

He started to feel sick. No one said he would be the section leader, should he take the lead? He wanted to, and thought he should, but did he even have the right to take the cello? _Oh God, I didn't think this through. Why didn't I think this through?_

"Lovino, I've been thinking," Elizabeta's voice interrupted Lovino from his spiraling thoughts. "I think you deserve to be first chair this semester," she spoke with a smile. "Now that I'm taking IB classes, I just don't have enough time to practice. Besides, you probably want it more than I do."

He was amazed. For the first time in probably ages, things actually worked out for him. Everything just fell in his lap. There had to be a catch.

"Hey! Who says I can't be first chair?"

There was the catch. Elizabeta turned her attention to a whiny Gilbert, shooting a look quite opposite to the one she had just given Lovino. "Who says you deserve it, dimwit?"

One of the freshman giggled, and Lovino decided to take that time to move his chair to his respective spot, right in front of the teacher's office. It was the spot that the principal cellist sat in. Convincing himself for a moment that the teacher was too lazy to switch chairs, he let himself bask in the glory of being important.

The rest of the day was rather uneventful, as his last class was just another run through of the basic lab procedures in a chemistry class. Lovino found himself repeating the routine he had last semester. Go to school, eat, sleep, cello, go back to school. Life seemed to take its sweet time actually moving along, and it wasn't until at least a week later that they actually started working on pieces in his orchestra class.

Lovino was interested in how the two new arrivals would sound. Apparently, the French guy had been put in the first violin section, so someone must have put some word in that he was pretty good. Unless, of course, Mrs. Mock just wanted to keep the annoying dramatic people together. This included Feliciano, as much as Lovino loved him.

There were only two bass players, Antonio and some Danish guy named Mathias, who seemed to get along well already. The question was, who was better? Mathias could really care less about orchestra, and Lovino had his suspicions that he was only there for Lukas, a violinist he always hung around.

Antonio seemed to have a similar story. He was apparently good friends with Gilbert, who begged him and Francis, the Frenchie, to join.

Lovino took one of the pieces they were learning and unfolded the copy so it took up the whole stand. It was three pages long, and it looked amazing. He ran through the beginning, which had too many rests for his liking, but sat back after a few measures. It seemed to be magic based, and portrayed exactly what the name suggested: Incantations. It was slow, chilling, and sounded like a wonder in itself.

Mrs. Mock went over the key signature, and pointed out the solo parts to the first violins and violas. "You may all try out for the solo parts. We will have auditions for them in about a month," Lovino gave his copy a once over as she spoke. He had no solo parts, thank goodness. The last time there was a solo, Feli convinced him to audition, which nearly killed him inside. He didn't get it, of course.

Solo auditions were ridiculous since everyone knew Roderich would get the first violin solo anyway. Most likely, everyone but the new guy and Roderich would try out for the second violin part and leave it at that.

"There seems to be a bass solo as well," Mrs. Mock looked up at Antonio and Mathias.

"He can have it, he's way better than me," Mathias spoke, shooting an odd look of pride towards Antonio.

Well, that answered one question.

For the time being, anyone auditioning for the solo played the first few measures as Lovino waited to come in. He winced at the sight reading skills of those around him.

The teacher motioned towards the cellos in the midst of her conducting. Lovino took a deep breath. This would be his first time leading the section. He put all his energy in staying with the conductor. That was most important here.

His heart rate picked up a little when he reached the harder, higher part. He knew the freshman had probably never played that high before, and he was stuck between dropping out and playing louder to help them, risking exposure. Everyone would hear him, but he sucked it up and chose the latter, leaving the section with just him and Elizabeta, as everyone else dropped out at this point. They did eventually rejoin as the notes became more manageable.

Lovino bit back a smile, he was actually proud of himself. He did it, he could do this. It wasn't that hard. The feeling of playing with an orchestra again sent a rush of happiness through his veins, even if it wasn't the best.

At this point he had already toned out the rest of the orchestra and the blasphemous way they played the song, until something crisp, and low, and beautiful reached his ears.

He stopped everything he was doing and looked at Antonio. His facial expression was in between that of concentration and joy, and it took Lovino's breath away. The solo was short, only two measures long, but he had never heard a tone so nice come from a bass before.

The tempo sped up. Lovino didn't notice. He didn't notice any of it, and really, he didn't care. He had fallen quickly. It was intriguing, honestly. His stomach suddenly twisted in knots, quite like how it did when he was anxious, but different. It was nice, comforting even, but ridiculous.

 _Dio, you're going to regret this, Lovino._

* * *

 _Start in fourth position, shift down to first, shift back up to third, crap that was a slur. Move your bow closer to the bridge, dammit. Oh, gross that sounds disgusting, add more weight. You aren't even focusing on your vibrato, add more._

The melody, along with Lovino's multitude of thoughts, was cut short with the screech of Lovino's bow. He wasn't playing this song right, and it was disgraceful. He ran his fingers through his hair and rested his forehead on the top of his cello's body. Breathe.

"Hey, Lovi! What song is that? It's really pretty, but that's not what I came in here for. I wanted to know what you think about Antonio." Feliciano, much to Lovino's annoyance, was in the middle of the practice room. How he got there without Lovino noticing was the first miracle, but the second was that Lovino hadn't strangled him yet. The light that filtered in through the windows of the practice room forced him to take a second for his eyes to adjust as he tore his forehead from the cello, exhausted and trying to cover his reddening face with the sleeve of his sweater.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he replied, feigning ignorance as an excuse to return to The Swan, which was a really pretty piece that he certainly wasn't just annoyed with, and _please, just leave me alone Feliciano._

"You know, the new bass player in our class that played the solo today? I thought he was really good," the younger Italian spoke all too cheerfully as he disregarded Lovino's silent pleas to leave the room.

"Yeah, I know who he is," Lovino snapped. "He was alright, I guess."

Feliciano narrowed his eyes playfully, and moved closer to Lovino, analyzing him. "He was just alright?"

"Yes Feli, now please leave me alone," Lovino's pulse quickened the more Feliciano carried on the matter.

"I don't know, Lovi. Usually when someone's good you're the first to notice. Well, maybe the second. Roderich always pays attention to everything, but still!" Feliciano chattered away while Lovino tried to think of a solution, _any solution_ to get him out of the mess he was currently in.

"Yes, well, it's hard to notice anything when the guy's got eyes as bright as actual stars." _Wait, shit. Bad solution._

"Oh, so you like his eyes?" Feliciano smirked. "You can tell me if you have a crush on him, Lovi, it was kind of obvious in class today."

"What? What the hell are you talking about, I do _not_ have a crush on him!"

Lies.

"Well, you were looking at him really funny after he played that solo, for about an hour."

Well, there goes not telling anyone.

Lovino stared down at his bridge, contemplating his answer. "Yeah, well he's pretty decent, okay?" He bit his lip in embarrassment, fully aware that he just contradicted himself.

"Awww Lovi, I knew it! You've finally got a crush on someone!" Feliciano kneeled down to hug his brother, only to get lightly shoved away.

"Yeah, well don't go spreading it around," Lovino mumbled.

"Don't worry, I won't!" Feliciano winked. "Good luck with that pretty song you're playing!" He hurried out, shutting the door behind him.

Lovino had an entirely new reason for playing The Swan now.

* * *

He felt so silly, like a girl. Lovino couldn't even talk to Antonio, and it was driving him crazy. Feliciano told him to just say hi, but he couldn't do that! You don't say hello to someone you see every day, it's like an unwritten rule. Besides, what would it accomplish?

Lovino scrunched his nose up as his fingers danced over the strings silently. He wasn't moving his bow, simply testing the notes out with his left hand, but it was cut short when a new sheet of music covered the one he was looking at.

Like he had just come out of a daze, he glanced up at Mrs. Mock, who was tapping at several measures of this new piece. "It's a cello solo, I think you should play it."

His heart may have just stopped. "Me? What about Elizabeta, or Gilbert, or someone? A freshman, maybe?" Anyone but him could play it, just not Lovino, not for concert festival at least. Playing a solo for a competition was way above his abilities.

"Oh, Elizabeta hasn't told you?" Mrs. Mock asked, pity leaking through her voice.

Lovino answered slowly. "Told me what?"

From beside him, his stand partner regarded him with a sad smile. "I'm going on a school trip during concert festival, and I've already paid for it so there's no way I can cancel. I didn't know those were the same dates, sorry Lovino."

Lovino looked from Elizabeta to his teacher again. "So, my stand partner for festival is going to be…?"

"Gilbert," Elizabeta answered for him, almost in amusement.

Lovino took a moment to process the information. "Alright, so then he can play the solo?"

Mrs. Mock leaned down so only Lovino and Elizabeta could hear. "We really don't want him to do that, do we?"

It wasn't that Gilbert's playing was _bad,_ per se, rather he simply had way too much confidence that he didn't really need. From the looks of it, the solo piece was slow and pleasing to the ear. Gilbert would turn it into something thunderous and intense.

"No, I guess not."

Two minutes was all he had to look over the piece. The mixed sound of noise, chatter and practice, didn't help him any. He couldn't focus, he was only reminded of the inevitable.

"Okay, let's go ahead and sight read this piece," Mrs. Mock spoke with a glance towards Lovino, silently asking him a simple question.

 _Will you be okay?_

Really, she had too much faith in him.

"One two three four, one two ready go."

The violins droned their note together as Lovino took several, short breaths.

One note, another, longer note. All attention was on him. He could feel all of gravity at one time, and it took all his strength to push himself up. Keep playing, one more note after the other. Tenor clef. He didn't know tenor clef that well. His brain stopped. His breathing stopped. Everything stopped.

It was really hot in that room.

How disappointed was his teacher? How disappointed was Feliciano?

Antonio.

"You were a little sharp, Lovino, but that was beautiful. Don't worry, you'll get it!"

Was that his teacher talking? Oh, she felt bad for him; he could hear it in her voice.

Warm tears stung his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He would not cry here.

"Let's just start at measure thirteen instead, everyone. It's in 6/8th time, no sharps, no flats," Mrs. Mock graciously continued on.

One breath in, and they changed to a new tempo and a new mood. Lovino tried so very hard to forget everything that just happened. He felt sick. The teacher cut them off.

"Okay, cellos, the beat goes like this," she clapped the beat out, and Lovino grew increasingly tired of himself. Elizabeta placed her hand on his shoulder. "Lovino, you're worrying. You did beautifully, that's a hard solo!"

Lovino glanced at her with relief, but didn't reply. He knew she was probably just saying that to make him feel better, but it worked, just a little bit. He even held back a smile as he heard Gilbert mumble about how the new song was the shit. Who knew that Gilbert of all people could actually help cheer him up?

Still, as much as he pushed the incident from his mind, his stomach felt like it had been injected with poison.

Lovino silently went over the beat of the next part as the conductor tried to teach the first violins. Roderich had it just fine, of course. Feliciano seemed to be getting it as well, but the rest of the section were actually banging their heads on their stands. Lovino could see that British kid arguing with Francis over whether one of the notes was a sharp or a natural.

He glanced at the second violins. Alfred was looking at his music like there was a giant bug on it, while the Chinese kid beside him simply seemed a little stressed. The violas were completely calm, but who knew what that meant. Ludwig and Kiku suddenly turned their attention to the first violins, where Feliciano was trying to send air messages with a multitude of hand signals.

In the midst of all this, his own section was half asleep. He didn't even dare look at the basses. Surely Antonio had nothing but bad thoughts towards him now. Compared to him, Lovino was terrible.

Despite his own thoughts, he discreetly tried to glance to his right. Was he looking at him? Quickly, Lovino looked down at his cello and covered his face with his sleeve. Eye contact was the worst, especially when it's eyes you could very easily become lost in.

For a moment, he wondered why everyone could be so normal when his world was slowly falling apart. Too much was happening at one time.

Lovino sighed and rested his cheek on his cello, arms wrapped protectively around it.

That's right. They weren't him.

* * *

 **A/N: Aghh this chapter felt a bit crazy, but I hope it's still alright. I'll get the hang of this soon! But goodness, I'm putting way too much of myself into this story.**

 **The songs that were mentioned:**

 **Incantations- The first, magic based song, which is a song I played at concert festival myself. ( www. Jwpepper. ? &type=audio&productID=2478662 )**

 **Orion and the Scorpion- The song that has Lovino's solo in it. Goodness, I have history with this one, but maybe you'll find out later. (This link isn't working, but it's on the same site as the first link, Jwpepper, and it's by Soon Hee Newbold)**

 **Both are really cool and pretty, especially Orion!**


	3. Chapter 3

" _I can't do this, Feliciano."_

" _Come on Lovi, there aren't that many people here! Just a few more than at a normal concert!"_

" _Yes, but there are more expectations here. My teacher, these people I don't even know, their parents, you..." There was a pause. "Me."_

" _Don't worry about expectations, just have fun! It's cool playing in an orchestra where everyone is pretty good, right?"_

 _Silence._

" _I don't think I should have made regionals, Feli."_

* * *

"Lovino! Are you going to try out for Allstate? You made regionals, so that means you qualify," Mrs. Mock's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. As soon as she mentioned Allstate tryouts, his mind went over memories of his regional orchestra concert. He could distinctly remember staring up at the middle schoolers, ears hearing an amateur version of the Brandenburg Concerto No. 3, yet thoughts telling him he was next, and what if he messed up, what would happen, and oh, he was forgetting something.

"Um," his voice was hoarse. He cleared his throat a bit. "I don't… I don't know. Maybe."

"You should at least try," she loosened her grip on the small stack of music she previously held tightly to her chest. "Now, don't freak out."

Lovino looked at the music set in front of him. It didn't look that hard at first glance, but after some careful inspection, his heart fell.

"The first excerpt is from Poet and Peasant Overture, it has a very famous cello solo in it." She lay out a few of the other pages, tapping at certain excerpts. "Now these are the real tricky ones. Swan Lake. They're really going all out this year."

Lovino flipped through some of the pages a bit. There were about eight excerpts, which all looked pretty difficult, though some more than others. "Uh, what grade levels are these?"

Mrs. Mock laughed a bit. "Well, they're professional. They don't have a grade level. We kind of stop at grade six."

The music they played in his orchestra class was usually around grade three, but they would most likely have two or three hard ones that were grade four. The highest they would ever go was grade five, which was rare, and which was also the grade level for Orion and the Scorpion.

"If I had to give it a grade level, though, I would say seven or eight maybe?"

Lovino looked at his teacher in shock for a moment, then back at his music. During regionals they played grades four and five. "Alright. Thank you, I'll think about it."

Mrs. Mock smiled and nodded, then walked over to her stand to sort out some music. Lovino noted that she never said whether or not she thought he could make it or not. This wasn't very reassuring.

He put the music under his chair with no plans of playing it in his class that day. At that moment, he really needed to work on his solo for Orion and the Scorpion. It wasn't too hard, it was just one of the worst types of music to play in front of other people: way too slow. Music consisting of just sixteenth notes wasn't great either, but long drawn out notes were even worse since you had to focus much more on the tone.

He ran through the solo once, and then again, and again, and then Elizabeta stopped him.

"Lovino, you sound good! Don't worry so much, you've got this," she affirmed, placing her hand on his shoulder gently. She and Feliciano were the only people he allowed to do that.

He hoped she was right.

* * *

The next day he arrived in class much earlier than usual, and immediately took to the wall, slumping down until he was sitting with his forehead resting against his knees, legs held tight against his body. He felt like he had eaten something wrong, and his abdomen was suffering for it.

Being a picky eater, this was not the case. Feliciano had convinced him to try talking to Antonio that day, and he was severely second guessing the whole decision. It didn't help that they still hadn't gone over his solo in class since the first time, and all he wanted was to get it over with. Waiting was probably the worst part.

The bell rang and Lovino groaned, getting up to get his chair and his cello. Anything to make him busy until Antonio walked in would do.

A few minutes later, his eyes spotted the notorious brown curls and he knew what he had to do. _Talk to him, dammit._

Lovino set his cello on it's side, waiting for the Spaniard's conversation to die down. Of course, if it never did he wouldn't have to talk to him today. That would be a great excuse, but he couldn't use it. He had to do it today.

"So, how's it going with that girl, Toni?" An obnoxiously German accent caught Lovino's attention.

"Oh, yes. This girl you're hanging out with instead of us. She better be a great girlfriend," Francis added to Gilbert's previous inquiry.

Lovino's blood turned to ice. Absolute dread took over his whole body. He couldn't think until he heard Antonio speak.

"She's not my girlfriend," Antonio replied, quietly. There was even a hint of sensitivity in his voice. "I don't have a girlfriend, you guys know that."

That must have been the biggest number of emotions Lovino had ever felt in such a short period of time.

"Oui, we know, but I think you need somebody to hug at night, and tell them you love them, you know?" Francis sighed, resting his cheek on Antonio's shoulder affectionately.

"Yeah," Gilbert suddenly ran and hugged Antonio rather violently, squeezing his stomach and knocking Francis to the side. "Because otherwise you'll be stuck with us hugging you and telling you-"

Antonio laughed and tried his hardest to push Gilbert's face away, which was at that moment affectionately rubbing up against his side, in what Lovino assumed was satire. He hoped it was, at least.

"I LOVE YOU, MAN. YOU BEAUTIFUL SPANIARD."

"Gil, stop," Antonio spoke between fits of laughter and was finally able to push Gilbert away. "Go play your cello or something."

Gilbert retreated with Francis following him, making crude, yet ironic gestures. "Seriously Toni, try to find someone. It'll be good for you."

Lovino suddenly felt like he had heard much too many things he shouldn't have, yet he felt a sudden impulse to do something, and at a good time. He looked at Feliciano, who was trying to get his attention, using the same air conversation tactics he usually used with Ludwig and Kiku. Unfortunately for Lovino, he never let his brother teach him the annoying code he had made up. Although, he was pretty sure he knew what Feliciano was trying to hint at.

Lovino got up and took a deep breath, bravely making his way to where Antonio sat on a stool, wiping down his bass with a cloth.

A cough. "Um," Lovino started, attempting to get the other boy's attention.

Antonio looked up suddenly, which caught Lovino in a trance for a moment, before he remembered his intentions.

"Do you, uh," he was cut off by an overbearingly loud, droned note coming from the metronome. He winced, deciding that it was a stupid idea to try and have a conversation while people began to tune their instruments.

"That goddamn metronome," he grumbled, having no choice but to move in a bit closer, leaning down so they were impossibly close, and able to hear each other. It was a shock to see Antonio's face so close, and suddenly Lovino felt as if he were in a dream.

"Do you take private lessons anywhere? Because, I kind of need some and I just thought I would ask," Lovino blurted out, locked onto the others eyes. Usually he had a big problem with eye contact, and avoided it with everyone, even his brother. With these eyes, he found himself hooked, and he couldn't help it. They were so caring, listening to what he had to say. What captivated Lovino so much was the color. He had images in his head of those eyes many times before, but never were they this vibrant, or this green. Lovino blamed their close proximity.

"Well," Antonio began, but trailed off as something in another direction caught his eye. Mrs. Mock was at the door with two other teachers holding her up as she cried. Antonio jumped up suddenly, and he was at her side before Lovino could even blink.

He felt selfish, because his first thought wasn't of his teacher's safety, but rather of how incredibly pissed he was that he finally talked to his crush and something as catastrophic as that happened. Holding his hands together over his chest, he could only watch as his teacher was settled on a chair, pointing towards her leg. He wanted to do something, but Antonio and his two friends seemed to already have it covered.

It was strange to see three people joking together at one moment, and then be caught the very next moment with such intense aura's of worry around them.

* * *

"Lovi, Mrs. Mock said she just called for a sub," Feliciano revealed, pulling a chair up next to his brother.

Lovino sat on his chair in a similar form to the way he sat up against the wall before the bell rang. Tired, annoyed, and every other negative emotion one could think of was running through his head at that moment. This meant no one else would be playing their instrument, as it was their only break.

"What happened to her?" He asked, sincerely worried about his teacher. He may have been more peeved than he had been in a while, but he wasn't heartless.

"Well, she tripped while she was in the parking lot walking into the school and she fell wrong because she was trying to protect her violin," Feliciano explained, ignoring the scoff that left Lovino's mouth once he finished.

"Figures," Lovino sighed, releasing his legs from his grip and placing them back on the ground, beneath his chair as he slid towards the end of his seat. "That's what we get for having a teacher so good that half the town wants her to teach."

"It's not her fault, Lovi! She said that the middle school didn't have anyone else to teach!" Feliciano exclaimed, a bit distressed.

"Yeah, I know." Lovino was silent for a moment. "I do hope she's okay."

He was telling the truth, really. He cared a lot about his teacher, even if she and her accidents had absolute terrible timing. It was still a shock that something so crazy could happen around him, yet he should have been used to it by that time. One time, he witnessed a heavy truck carrying cargo sprout fire from it's body, right next to the back door of the orchestra room.

"She'll be fine," Feliciano suddenly grabbed his hand in reassurance. "And you'll be fine too."

It was often surprising how naturally this seemed to come to Feliciano. Lovino couldn't think of anyone else who had ever cheered him up, really. Not to this extent. He always seemed too dense to be able to read a situation, but when it came to the more serious things, he was practically a professional. It may also be due to twintuition, or whatever it was called, but Lovino liked to think of his brother as a more intelligent being due to years of bullying directed at the two.

Lovino didn't respond, though he felt he didn't need to.

Feliciano turned around, glancing at something behind him, and then stood up with a grin. "Just tell me if you need anything, okay?" He shot out rather quickly before running back to his own group of friends, leaving Lovino slightly confused.

Although, once he spotted the view Feliciano's head was blocking, he understood. His brother's company was suddenly greatly missed.

"Hi, you were asking me something, right?"

Lovino wasn't exactly sure why he was so surprised. There is the fact that he half expected the matter to just have been dropped, but in the back of his mind he knew this guy wasn't the type to run away from someone mid conversation and never come back. At least, he didn't think so.

"Oh um, yeah," Lovino returned, though stopped there, staring awkwardly at the other's feet.

The body before him moved closer, and Lovino looked down to see a crumpled piece of paper fit between his hands. "I'm pretty sure my teacher knows a cellist that does lessons," Antonio offered, but left after Lovino failed to reply. He must not have liked awkward silences, like a normal person.

If he had said anything else, Lovino would have thought he was just gifted with the Spaniard's phone number, but he assumed it was his private teacher's instead.

Lovino exhaled slowly.

He was stressed, and he now had a whole block of absolutely nothing.

* * *

His grandfather was the one to call Antonio's teacher for information, as Lovino was too scared to do it on his own, though he would never admit it. His excuse was that he had to get his grandfather's permission first, and why not just let him do it since he didn't seem to be doing anything at that time.

When he received a call back about twenty minutes later, he had a new private cello instructor, and a lesson the next Monday. It happened so fast that Lovino didn't even have time to be shocked. He simply ran into the practice room once he hung up, and grabbed the music he still hadn't looked at.

Swan Lake couldn't be that hard, right?

Wrong.

A few days of stress and cello playing later, Lovino found himself dragging his cello all the way through his town. Everything was really closer than one might think downtown, so the trek from his school to his city's college didn't really take that long. Lovino's only problem was being able to walk by all those nice restaurants he loved without being able to go in.

It was surprising how well they made food there. He had been to other places in America, and their food never seemed to be able to compare in the slightest. His beloved homeland Italian cuisine was surely at the top of his list, but southern food cooked with love and only the finest ingredients was kinda great too. He'd never admit it, though.

Lovino huffed at the flight of stairs before he climbed it. If he had to walk this much every Monday _and_ scale a flight of stairs, he'd end up a lot more fit than he currently was in a hurry.

The first of Lovino's struggles was finding the room he was told to meet in. It might have been a lot easier if they had labeled their rooms a bit better, but the sound of what Lovino assumed was a cello directed him towards an office rather than a practice room.

God, whoever was playing was horrible, but he didn't dwell on it too much when he saw a kid no older than seven walk out of the room with the smallest cello Lovino had ever seen. He wanted to feel proud that the kid probably looked up to him, since he was older, but he only felt jealous.

Lovino so badly wanted to tell that kid how lucky he was that he had started at such a young age.

"Hi, you must be Lovino," a woman who looked to be in her late forties reached out her hand for Lovino to shake it. He took it hesitantly and let the woman shake it to her heart's content, then let go, bringing his cello into the room. He was suddenly nervous. Meeting this person was much more difficult than he'd originally expected, for some reason.

She was extremely bold, and as he would later learn in the lesson, her playing reflected every ounce of that. It was like who she was as a person was transferred inside her cello every time she moved her bow across the strings.

"So, I'm Mrs. Sherry, as you probably know." There was an awkward silence as she took something from the top of a nearby heater and placed it on Lovino's stand. He busied himself with setting up his instrument, hands shaking as he adjusted his endpin. "You already know how to tune, correct?"

"Yes," he replied, coupled with a nod. Looking at the object placed on the stand, he found it was an iPhone with a generic tuning app pulled up on its screen. After no further words were spoken, he went on with checking that his cello was tuned, which was a bit scary as he felt his new teacher watching every move he made. He couldn't tell yet if she was judging him or just watching him for the sake of having nothing else to do.

Once his last string was tuned, another silence ensued. "So, I hear you've got some auditions coming up?"

"Yeah, Allstate." Lovino fumbled around in his bookbag until he found the four pages he was looking for, each decorated with two excerpts the Italian had considered quite hellish over the past several days.

Mrs. Sherry laughed. "Oh wow, Swan Lake. That's crazy."

Why did it seem like everyone had that reaction?

"Let's just go over this together, I'll play with you," Mrs. Sherry began, and Lovino could not have been more relieved. The first excerpt was a tough one, and reminded him too much of his solo for his own orchestra.

The whole lesson went surprisingly well considering how nervous he was at first. He didn't seem to have any problem playing in front of his new teacher, but seeing that it was only one person compared to a couple hundred didn't reassure him at all.

Apparently he was way too quiet. If he didn't get anything else out of that lesson, at least he knew that he had to play with ten times the force and passion that he had currently. Mrs. Sherry said it a few dozen times, but every time he tried it just didn't seem to be good enough.

Once he turned past a hallway to reveal the building's lobby, he groaned. The whole front of the room was covered in windows, and they all screamed the same thing: rain.

It was raining really hard, and Lovino had to either walk back or wait half an hour for a bus. He chose the latter quickly after sticking his head out the doors for a moment to test how hard it was really raining. The answer was really fucking hard, and it annoyed Lovino to no end.

He flopped down on a bench and leaned his head on a railing behind it. At least there were vending machines there.

One bag of Cheetos and half a Twix bar later, Lovino had come to two conclusions. One was that the place had a lot of loud, rogue college musicians all over at around 6:15. Another was that they all seemed to be in love with Shrek, and as one of them pointed out, how cool it would be if Shrek played the saxophone.

College students were weird, and Lovino was sure it didn't help that they were in an orchestra. Orchestra's seemed to attract crazy people. It was also possible that it was simply Lovino that attracted the crazy people, since his heart simultaneously dropped and fluttered at the same time as he saw the last person he expected to see at the time.

Brown curly hair sticking to the large, red cased object behind him, hands stuck halfway inside his pockets, and green eyes like nobody's business graced Lovino's eyes at that very moment. His initial thought was _damn, could he get any more gorgeous,_ but once the other's eyes caught his own, embarrassment erased all his previous thoughts. It took away any thoughts, for that matter.

"Oh wow, funny seeing you here. You already got lessons here?"

The brunette was saying something, Lovino could tell. He hated how every time this guy showed up, it felt like all his previous intelligence was simply wiped from his brain. "Yes," he mumbled, choosing a generic answer he hoped wouldn't sound crazy. Judging by Antonio's face, it didn't.

He wanted to say something else more than anything, but nothing came to him. It was like he searched every area in his mind but he couldn't come up with anything to say.

"Well, it was nice seeing you Lovino."

Just like that he was gone. That one moment of regret seemed to last forever for Lovino, even as he sat curled up on a bus seat with his cheek pressing against a cold, rainy window.

Conversation number three with Antonio was yet another flop.

* * *

 **A/N: Gracious, this one was a bit tough for me. I suddenly came up with an idea for a new Fanfiction and I still can't get my mind off of it. I want to write it so bad, but I want to focus on this one. How badly would you guys want a YouTuber AU, because I'm actually craving it. I've thought up the whole thing in my head as well. Just tell me what you guys would think so I can figure out when I want to write this thing! Thanks lovelies!**


	4. Chapter 4

Having a crush on someone was a strange thing to feel. Lovino wasn't truly happy about it, but it brought a little bit of excitement back in his life. Deep down, it was comforting even. Yet, it was still melancholy at the same time. It brought him a longing for greatness, yet also a chance that he would never reach it.

But then, there was always a chance that he would. Chance was such a confusing thing, deciding the fates of lives like it did.

The dreams didn't help, of course. Lovino tried not to mistake the dreams as signs, but as they grew more and more frequent, it was hard not to. They were freakishly vivid, and he could remember every detail of his first dream.

 _There was a large crowd of people. Lovino wondered where he was, but he knew he was lost, and trying to find someone. Through the flood of people around him, stands of food and games were strung with lights, filling the night with reds and oranges. He couldn't see where he was going, since the people blocked his way._

 _But, there was a flaw in the crowd. Someone was walking through from the opposite end, causing the people in front of Lovino to spread out farther to the sides. A hand grabbed his own, and he looked into the smiling face of Antonio, eyes greener than ever._

 _He was pulled closer and closer, and his brain stopped comprehending where he was going. He lost all memory of how he came from staring at the boy to wrapping his arms around him slowly. His hands were clutching Antonio's shirt, and Antonio's were resting on Lovino's lower back, until one moved to rub his head lovingly. Neither of them would move, and neither of them wanted to. The mutual feeling was kept and felt between them, surrounding their beings and lighting their worlds._

Lovino would wake up flushed as he remembered dreams of Antonio. Sometimes he simply walked up to him as he was putting up his cello, dangerously close.

" _Lovino, I have to tell you something," he would say, closer and closer. Each inch that was lost between them was a new record. Antonio would smile before lovingly bringing his lips to his own._

Lovino always wished he could go back and finish his dreams. He thought that maybe, just maybe, Antonio would share one of his dreams with him, and inevitably make that dream a reality.

As the days passed by, Lovino's wish still hadn't come true, but his unwavering stubbornness never faltered. Even if he didn't want to, he still would still love Antonio, and he would always wish for him. It may have been that very inspiration that drove Lovino to agree to sit in that scary little psychiatrist office. But then, one very convincing Hungarian girl and a brother with a face that's nearly impossible to say no to was most likely the main cause.

Behind his back, Feliciano had been doing some research in handling anxiety, and gave Lovino tips to test out every time he tried to play in front of the class, but none seemed to be working. By that time, Lovino was able to play the entire solo well in front of the class, but he knew it wasn't his best, and he was tired of receiving generous visits from me.

They wanted to fix me, and make me leave. If only they knew. I only become quiet.

It was Elizabeta's idea to put Lovino on medication. Lovino didn't dislike the idea, just all the problems that came with it. He knew there would be a lot of signing, a lot of waiting, and a lot of trips to the nurse to make that possible, and he wasn't sure he could handle it. Of course, there was also the dangers of the medication causing the opposite effect as well. That was a bunch of negatives, but one giant positive to work for.

Once Feliciano found out about the idea, he suddenly had a mission. Several calls to their grandfather happened, and they finally had a plan, unbeknownst to Lovino.

After an hour of stressing over All-State music with his cello teacher, Lovino waited half an hour after for the bus, his new habit. Of course he wasn't waiting for the bus, but rather the chance to see a certain someone. Antonio got out of his lesson fifteen minutes after Lovino, and he realized that the fifteen minutes he had after seeing Antonio was a lot better than the fifteen minutes before. Still, this made life a little more tiring, so surprises on that day weren't the best idea.

Surprises were exactly what Lovino got. His grandfather sat waiting at the door as soon as he came in, wrapping him in a painful hug as soon as he stepped through the doorway.

"Lovi I missed you so much, two months too long!" His grandfather swung side to side, bringing a suffocated Lovino with him.

"Mmoff mm," Lovino grumbled, pushing him away. "Get off me, it's only been one month, not two."

"But having two lovely grandsons makes it twice as terrible," he sighed, bringing Feliciano in on the hug even though Lovino knew he had probably been hugging Feliciano for half an hour before he got there. Roma, their grandfather's acquired nickname, laughed and ruffled two boys' hair.

"We missed you too, Nonno! Didn't we Lovino?" Feliciano sent a conversation in one look towards his brother, who was silent throughout the entire hug. He wanted Lovino to show his grandfather he cared, but for the older Vargas brother, yes he was the older one, this was a difficult task.

Lovino took more time to adjust to things, so naturally he had still not adjusted to his grandfather, who they had only just got in touch with a few years before.

Roma smiled despite Lovino's lack of reply. "Well, Feliciano and I were just talking about this great place we're going, and how excited we were to take you there!" He winked at Feliciano, causing the younger Italian to snicker a bit, uncontrollably.

"Oh yes. It's really great! You're gonna love it Lovino it's so exciting, I just can't wait for you to go!" Feliciano babbled quickly, causing their grandfather's face to contort from a wink into a frown quickly, and then a small glare, like he was trying to get him to shut up.

Roma laughed quietly. "Alright Feli, I think he gets it," he spoke, lightly pushing Lovino out the door once again, who wasn't buying any of their crap at that moment. Lovino could only hope it wouldn't be anything to be too afraid of.

So there he found himself in the office of a highly suggested psychiatrist, about 20 minutes away by bus ride. It certainly wasn't what he had expected, but he couldn't say he was surprised at all, since Feliciano was a terrible liar when he got too excited. The only time Feliciano could lie whilst fooling everyone was when there was something he seriously wanted. At that point, it was almost scary how honest he could seem.

The waiting room was more comfortable than one would think, probably, considering the small size of it. It was only able to fit two soft cushioned lounge chairs and a matching couch, each a light yellow color. A bookshelf sat on the far right wall, brown and antique, containing a variety of classic novels. There were plenty of windows in the room, which were the most calming to Lovino, who was already on edge despite the atmosphere of the room.

Repressed memories flooded back to him just thinking about the psychiatrist, though he had never met this one before. He looked at Feliciano nervously, who was happily flipping through a Better Homes and Gardens magazine, before meeting his gaze a few seconds later.

"It'll be alright Fratello, don't be scared about this one. She isn't like the last one, I promise," Feliciano softly spoke, placing his hand on his older brother's. Lovino nodded in turn, looking away and back down to the book he had chosen from the book shelf across from him. He had already happily read the Great Gatsby, but he certainly didn't mind briefly looking through it again until his name was called.

Books were another thing Lovino couldn't help but love unconditionally. The power of words was the fourth most powerful thing in his world, right after music, anxiety, and Antonio, as much as he hated to admit it. The guy drove him just as crazy as anything, and he barely even knew him. Something drew him to Antonio, and Lovino felt that even if he tried, nothing could stop him from liking the Spaniard.

"Lovino Vargas."

Lovino's heart suddenly dropped.

* * *

A very important lesson was learned in simply an hour. Not all psychiatrists were bad.

Lovino was surprised to find that not only did the lady not ruin his life, she actually went ahead and prescribed him a medication that didn't have the crazy side effects most did. Though she was a little brutally honest, Lovino could handle her just fine for the hour he was in her office.

He was tired and he wanted to go back to his dorm, but some serious accomplishments happened in the past hour and he couldn't help but be in a slightly better mood.

For the medication, he first had to test it out. His job now was to give his local pharmacy the prescription so he could get it, and then do some exercise to get his heart rate up before taking it. If it brought his heart rate down that meant it worked, or at least that's what he gathered from the psychiatrists instructions. Lovino didn't pay that much attention, and he didn't even know her name, so he could very well have been wrong.

When he actually tested it out, he figured the whole idea was stupid, since his heart rate was going to go down anyway after he stopped moving around, leading him to believe once again that he wasn't right.

But he didn't really care, since the only thing his mind was focused on was getting rid of his anxiety. But also, his mind was on Antonio, which by this point was no surprise at all. He felt weird to think about him, and sometimes even embarrassed himself when he did. Random little shivers seemed to freak out those around him, though, so he tried to keep his wandering head to a minimum.

A trip to the nearest CVS, one twix bar, (it is important to note that it is nearly impossible for Lovino to go into a pharmacy without getting some form of chocolate) and several minutes of waiting later, Lovino was given his very first prescription medication. With it came a life changing opportunity, and as Lovino thought to himself, _a chance to play my goddamn instrument without shitting myself from stupid anxiety._

When he took it for the first time, it didn't kill him or anything, so Lovino deemed it safe, taking it down to the nurse's office. At least, Lovino wished his day went like that. However, he wasn't taking anything to any nurses until his grandfather dealt with his love attack, and desperate need to take his beloved grandsons to a nice dinner. They all opted for Southern comfort food, since they were there. Embracing the local food was a lot better than getting in a fight with some poor soul that called their restaurant 'Italian'. It wasn't that their food was bad, it just wasn't truly their own.

"So Lovi, is there any special someone you want to talk to me about?" Roma asked, a knowing look in his eyes.

Lovino immediately shot a glare towards his brother, who tried to feign innocence with an unfortunate guilty look written upon his face. "No, Nonno."

Roma leaned back with a sigh, twirling his wine around in his glass. "I had hoped you'd tell me the truth too," he clutched his heart dramatically, eyes now pleading. "I want to know who Antonio is! Please Lovi?"

Lovino cringed and looked around to see who all heard. He knew the chances of anyone who knew Antonio being in that exact restaurant were incredibly slim, but he couldn't help it. "He's just a guy in orchestra, that's all," Lovino spoke with a voice smaller and softer than usual, not once taking his eyes off the table's coaster and it's now intriguing way of catching the drips of water from his glass.

"A really cute guy that Lovi can't stop staring at." A quiet remark graced Lovino's ears from across the table. He was positive he also heard something along the lines of "You really need to ask him out before someone else gets him, goodness he's really attractive, oh, Luddy is better looking, but still!" Feliciano let out a yelp as Lovino's leg just happened to slam into his at that very moment. It was definitely coincidental, yep.

A freakishly woman-like squeal emitted from the older man across the table, and he quickly leaned over the table to reach for a hug, giving no thought at all to the drinks and food he successfully ruined in the movement. Thus, the most awkward hug Lovino had ever received ensued. _This is definitely not like the one dream Antonio and I shared._

Lovino cringed at his own mind once again. Cringing seemed to be a big thing for him that day, and the next day as well. The boy's grandfather couldn't stay as long as he wanted to, of course, so his flight left the next morning. Roma practically held on to Lovino all the way until then. Lovino knew this was simply his grandfather's indirect way of telling him he really did care, but it didn't erase the awkwardness Lovino felt in his chest. Yes, awkwardness was a physical feeling for Lovino.

Once Roma was gone, Lovino was finally able to settle everything with the nurse. He had gathered all his signed documents and somehow survived the confusing medical mess. It was a relief to be done with everything, like a giant inhale of breath he felt all over his body, and all through his muscles and organs. It was too bad this relief didn't last for very long that day.

He didn't feel any different considering he was now officially on medication, and whenever he thought he did feel different, he assumed it was simply a placebo effect. Over thinking things was a bad habit that he needed to get over soon.

The day was particularly exhausting, and it felt like forever until he was finally in the orchestra room, setting up for the day. _A chair, a stand, a cello._

A cello. Lovino reached to grab his cello, but his body halted. His mind was crumbling slowly. Something bad had happened, but he hadn't processed it. _What was it?_

There was something he was missing. It was something really bad, it must have been. He had never felt this strange feeling of knowing he knew something was wrong, but not knowing exactly what it was.

Lovino took his cello and sat back in his seat, his body strangely cold. His eyes flicked up from the floor. _Oh._

Two hands were intertwined.

"Oh my gosh, are you guys a couple?" A voice spoke from the other side of the room, but Lovino couldn't tell whose face it belonged to, nor did he care. All he knew was that the one crutch that was keeping him up was suddenly gone. _Ask him out before someone else gets him._ Someone else.

Someone else got him.

* * *

 **A/N: Ft. A Dramatic Lovi and a very apologetic author. Yes yes It's been a while, (pshhh only about 6 months, it's FINE) and I originally had about 7 author's notes I kept for myself to track the new things that's happened in my life as I was writing this single, slightly shitty and short chapter. As most of you probably wouldn't care, I leave it up to you if you would like to read my summarized rambling I promised I wouldn't bless you with anymore. WHoops.**

* * *

 **Update 1** : I've been on vacation forever, and now I'm finally back at school. Yep, I got to endure the infamous name game Lovino went through again. But, I'm finally gonna be first chair in my class! No one will be able to take the nice cello or the coda bow from me or I'll just… cry in their face or something. It's like I'm living my own story out, except my Antonio graduated last year. Yes, this entire Antonio situation is exactly what happened to me, with a few creative exceptions I've made up to make the story a little more interesting. Also, this is all happening in one semester where for me it happened over a period of two years. Surprise!

 **Update 2** : Yes yes, I'm again putting off writing this, and in the time I did that, some crazy stuff has happened in orchestra. Really, it's just weird for me to be the mom of the cello section! No one said anything when I sat first chair and took the good cello, but that's probably because we still have to have chair challenges. Meanwhile I get to tune everyone if they need help, lead the section (and for now, play louder than I'm used to so my section can hear what it's supposed to sound like if they mess up), and do a bunch of important stuff for the teacher, like organizing the cellos some STUPID people broke! (I'm referring to Color Guard that uses our room without permission, because flying rifles and cellos do not mix well) Also, most of the better players are in the other class, leaving me and our first chair first violinist taking over the whole class when we have a substitute. It's crazy, because just two years ago today I was a scared little Freshman, last chair in the back of my section. Keep playing your instrument, kids.

 **Update 3** : School is driving me crazy. But I made first chair officially, and I have regionals auditions tomorrow, so yay?

 **Update 4** : Ya girl made 4th chair in region, oh heck I'm proud bc I messed up that audition bad.

 **Update 5** : Region concert went well (but that was months ago) regular concert is in 3 days, exams are slapping me in the face, I'm having relationship troubles, what's better than throwing my stress into writing? Yaaaay

 **Aaaand now** : It's Christmas Eve and I'm avoiding family like the plague (As well as my Allstate auditions which are actually slaying me) so I decided to put the finishing touches (ahem, LAZY finishing touches) on this chapter so I can just be done with it and move on to the next one. That feeling when half the chapter is Lovino and another half is me spurting my feelings.


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